I didn't sleep well last night, mainly because I am in a hotel. It's a great hotel, The Davenport, but strange sounds and a different bed prevent the deep slumber I am used to. We came up last night because of the weather. This morning the girls have doctor appointments and with the snow and ice we thought it was safer to arrive yesterday. And looking out the window right now, I think we made a good decision. It is snowing...Again.
Last night we rented a movie on the TV, Mama Mia, and all enjoyed it. But I cried, couldn't stop crying. When the daughter asked her mom to walk help her get ready on her wedding day and then walk her down the aisle it got me thinking - about everything. I was trying to hide my tears during the movie so the girls wouldn't see. I guess I felt silly crying, but then I wondered, why do I care if they see me cry? Sarah, the keen, observant one noticed. She hugged me and told me she loved me. It's weird though because I am wondering why I got so emotional over a movie, and a movie that was supposed to be a comedy.
I think it's because I want that kind of relationship with my own daughters and afraid it won't be that way. Things have definitely improved over the past year with all my children and for that I'm grateful. I am prayerful that things will continue even more.
Now that Jake and Kristin are in college, things are different - in a good way. I talk to Kristin on average once a week and Jake about the same, maybe a bit more. I am thoroughly enjoying time with Sarah. She has never had Jim or I one-on-one before and it's nice for all of us. Kristin says she spoiled because of it....I'm not sure that's the right word. But as parents we are somewhat more lax with Sarah, I think because we are stronger in our beliefs as to what matters and what doesn't and what rules we want to enforce. With Jake and Kristin - things were very much trial and error...typical of many parents when parenting their eldest. Also, they are different individual people and to be the best parent I can be things may be different from one child to another. I don't think that's bad at all, I think it's positive because they are each different, with different needs and challenges as they mature.
Even though Mama Mia made me cry and think for a long time about the relationship I have with my kids, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Although Pierce Brosnan CAN NOT sing, he was awful! But so awful it was entertaining!
I like movies that make me cry because they make me think and reflect about my life. And how I can be an even better parent. I feel I am a great parent and I will not let anyone tell me otherwise. Although no one has told me I'm not so I'm not worrying. Quite the contrary, I have had several friends all comment as to how good a job Jim and I have done. It's a nice compliment because I take my parenting seriously. I am lucky that Jim has a good job that allows me to stay home - that was something VERY important to both of us, that ONE of us stay home and raise the kids. I did start working part time (during tax season) when Sarah was in 1st grade. I was home when they come home from school and only worked 4 months a year. It was a great situation. I don't take all the credit for their upbringing. Jim was my partner and then relatives played a very important roll as well. Jim's parents, my parents, my sister and her family and my grandparents and the many close friends we have. It truly does take a village.
I am proud to say that they are doing well so far at the ages of 18, 18 and 16. They all have different personalities, different learning styles, different aspirations and goals - and I wouldn't want it any other way! I know that much of their temperament is innate, but I know that Jim and I have done a good job showing them and being role models for things that are important to us. We both volunteer and spend a great deal of time helping others, whether it be for the school, church or state organizations. We are only a small piece of the big puzzle, the world is such a greater place and I want the them to know that.
This year for Christmas we really scaled back and it was wonderful! We selected a family from Pullman Child Welfare and purchased gifts for them. We did not know the family or even if all the recipients we had were from the same family. We went shopping for the gifts as a family and had a lot of fun. Kristin had a 5 year old girl - and purchased some nice clothes at Old Navy. Sarah selected some pretty tops at Pac Sun for her 16 year old girl. Jake had a 12 year old boy who wanted a sweat outfit and shirts, Jake found success at Old Navy. The parents we had wanted a gas gift card and a pancake griddle. We supplemented it with a mixing bowl, whisk, spatula, pancake mix and syrup! It feels so good to give, especially to those who need it! We then went out to lunch and stomped around a Christmas tree farm to select a tree for our family. This past Saturday Jim helped distribute the gifts at the Whelan Grange. So many appreciative families!!! The original intent was for our entire family to distribute gifts but Kristin and Jake were recuperating from surgeries (Jake - shoulder repair, Kristin - bone spur removal on foot) and I was home taking care of them. Sarah was sleeping, feigning exhaustion from all her activities of being a high school junior. Jim wasn't thrilled with being the only one to go, but he went and as I said previously, so many families were appreciative of his help!
Our family gets their needs met and that's ample. I am grateful we had clothes, food and shelter. It's an eye opener how many people don't have these things. This was the start of a new tradition for us, we are already thinking of other ways we can help next year. Christmas is about Jesus birth and to celebrate his birth I do not need to receive gifts to acknowledge it. Jesus died for us and because of him we have salvation. That is what is to be celebrated. Helping others is how I want to celebrate Jesus Christ! Christmas is a blessed time of year and I am truly humbled to be part of a great family and a Christian.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
wonder, worry and wait
The past few weeks have been somewhat hectic around our house. Jake is getting ready to head off to college, actually I should say "thinking" about getting ready to head off to college. He is able to officially move in on Sunday 8/17. He WILL NOT BE READY and I WORRY!
When we were at the lake at the end of July we had a good (at least at the time I thought it was good) talk with Jake about what he needed to do to get ready/organized for college. He had some lists, some prepare for college guidebooks so we thought he was going to take charge and get things done. He told us he handled everything and asked if he could go to his girlfriends cabin for the rest of the week. I should have realized he couldn't have possibly done all his planning and organizing in 1 1/2 days. But being the nice mother I am, I took his word for it and he dashed off to be with his girlfriend. He comes home to work one day, fiddle with his new computer and then goes back up to her cabin for 3 more days. Other than folding and refolding a few of his t-shirts, he has done nothing by this point. I WONDER what is he thinking?
On Tuesday night we had a good discussion (or so I thought) about getting organized, packed and ready for college. Wednesday started off well, with Jake and I spending almost 5 hours together...bank (new account), Wal-Mart (supplies), Staples (supplies), Bed Bath & Beyond (more stuff), WSU Fiscal Services (tuition information/website help), Crimson & Grey (books), Bookie (more books), CUB (activate Cougar Card).....if I hadn't insisted we do this stuff...would it have EVER gotten done? Yes, I could have taken the tough love approach and said "you are now an adult...you do this on your own or pay the consequences", but I would rather help him, empower him and help guide him with what needs to be done. But it's as frustrating as hell, because I thought he got this message the first time we talked about things 3 weeks ago. Does he not give a damn?
So, now I guess I just have to WAIT and see if he will learn from this and how he will handle things in the future. We will take him to the dorm on Sunday morning so he can pick out his bed and assess the room for space as to what else he will need/not need (aside from typical college stuff that he will hopefully pack). He works on Sunday afternoon and on Monday morning we'll move him in.
The drawback of living so close to campus is that he will undoubtedly call for me to bring him something that he forgot. I will do so, however, not at his convenience, but at mine. He needs to learn to be better organized and accountable. He is 18 after all.
Yes, this is a bit of a rant, but it's how I feel now. I am tired of the procrastination and laziness. Someone recently told me it's because 'he is a guy'...that's total crap. I'm not going to rationalize this type of behavior based on one's gender.
Oh well. He will learn, perhaps the hard way. I have given him the tools the past 18 years and I know he's a good kid and CAN DO WELL and SUCCEED...but he has to make the choice to do so.
Once he gets settled in his dorm, I will most likely wonder and worry if he'll even set his alarm for class....
When we were at the lake at the end of July we had a good (at least at the time I thought it was good) talk with Jake about what he needed to do to get ready/organized for college. He had some lists, some prepare for college guidebooks so we thought he was going to take charge and get things done. He told us he handled everything and asked if he could go to his girlfriends cabin for the rest of the week. I should have realized he couldn't have possibly done all his planning and organizing in 1 1/2 days. But being the nice mother I am, I took his word for it and he dashed off to be with his girlfriend. He comes home to work one day, fiddle with his new computer and then goes back up to her cabin for 3 more days. Other than folding and refolding a few of his t-shirts, he has done nothing by this point. I WONDER what is he thinking?
On Tuesday night we had a good discussion (or so I thought) about getting organized, packed and ready for college. Wednesday started off well, with Jake and I spending almost 5 hours together...bank (new account), Wal-Mart (supplies), Staples (supplies), Bed Bath & Beyond (more stuff), WSU Fiscal Services (tuition information/website help), Crimson & Grey (books), Bookie (more books), CUB (activate Cougar Card).....if I hadn't insisted we do this stuff...would it have EVER gotten done? Yes, I could have taken the tough love approach and said "you are now an adult...you do this on your own or pay the consequences", but I would rather help him, empower him and help guide him with what needs to be done. But it's as frustrating as hell, because I thought he got this message the first time we talked about things 3 weeks ago. Does he not give a damn?
So, now I guess I just have to WAIT and see if he will learn from this and how he will handle things in the future. We will take him to the dorm on Sunday morning so he can pick out his bed and assess the room for space as to what else he will need/not need (aside from typical college stuff that he will hopefully pack). He works on Sunday afternoon and on Monday morning we'll move him in.
The drawback of living so close to campus is that he will undoubtedly call for me to bring him something that he forgot. I will do so, however, not at his convenience, but at mine. He needs to learn to be better organized and accountable. He is 18 after all.
Yes, this is a bit of a rant, but it's how I feel now. I am tired of the procrastination and laziness. Someone recently told me it's because 'he is a guy'...that's total crap. I'm not going to rationalize this type of behavior based on one's gender.
Oh well. He will learn, perhaps the hard way. I have given him the tools the past 18 years and I know he's a good kid and CAN DO WELL and SUCCEED...but he has to make the choice to do so.
Once he gets settled in his dorm, I will most likely wonder and worry if he'll even set his alarm for class....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
what has happened to gratitude?
I am frustrated by the general lack of gratitude these days. Why can't people be grateful for the kindness of others, things done for them, given to them and acknowledge it? Sometimes a simple 'thank you' is all it takes. Is it because people feel they are entitled to these things and therefore acknowledgment is unnecessary? This line of thinking perplexes me.
I was raised that you say 'thank you' to those that have done something for you or given you something. Saying thank you engenders good feeling and mutual respect. I think it's like a slap in the face when kindness and/or generosity has been bestowed upon someone else and no gratitude is expressed. In situations like this it makes me question why I did something in the first place. I do not expect someone to reciprocate in the same way I do (not everyone has the same financial means, values and morals) however a 'thank you' is universal and is recognition that you appreciated what was given/done to you.
Maybe I shouldn't do nice things anymore for people. I like giving and I like doing nice things but for people to assume I will do these things for all time to come and that they are entitled to these things is sad. It makes me not want to do nice things anymore. I am grateful that I have time and money to do nice things for people, perhaps it's time I focus my gifts on a different set of people and organizations, focus them on people that appreciate them.
Here is one example from the home front. I recently purchased a family member a new cell phone. There were some problems with the ordering and delivery of it, so it took multiple phone calls and trips to the store. I spent 2 extra hours dealing with it and all I got was snappy responses in the car ride to Moscow. No thank you, no expression of gratitude....why? I have always expected my children to write or say thank you's where appropriate. How come with family members it's different? Do they think because they are family a thank you isn't necessary? My time is valuable, I didn't want to make an extra trip to Moscow to resolve the phone issue, but I did. Next time I probably won't. I am not going to let people take advantage of me and abuse my generosity. This is only one example...there are others. I'm frustrated by all this, can you tell? Oh, by the way...it's never to late to say Thank You.
I was raised that you say 'thank you' to those that have done something for you or given you something. Saying thank you engenders good feeling and mutual respect. I think it's like a slap in the face when kindness and/or generosity has been bestowed upon someone else and no gratitude is expressed. In situations like this it makes me question why I did something in the first place. I do not expect someone to reciprocate in the same way I do (not everyone has the same financial means, values and morals) however a 'thank you' is universal and is recognition that you appreciated what was given/done to you.
Maybe I shouldn't do nice things anymore for people. I like giving and I like doing nice things but for people to assume I will do these things for all time to come and that they are entitled to these things is sad. It makes me not want to do nice things anymore. I am grateful that I have time and money to do nice things for people, perhaps it's time I focus my gifts on a different set of people and organizations, focus them on people that appreciate them.
Here is one example from the home front. I recently purchased a family member a new cell phone. There were some problems with the ordering and delivery of it, so it took multiple phone calls and trips to the store. I spent 2 extra hours dealing with it and all I got was snappy responses in the car ride to Moscow. No thank you, no expression of gratitude....why? I have always expected my children to write or say thank you's where appropriate. How come with family members it's different? Do they think because they are family a thank you isn't necessary? My time is valuable, I didn't want to make an extra trip to Moscow to resolve the phone issue, but I did. Next time I probably won't. I am not going to let people take advantage of me and abuse my generosity. This is only one example...there are others. I'm frustrated by all this, can you tell? Oh, by the way...it's never to late to say Thank You.
"Of all the attitudes we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life-changing."
Monday, July 21, 2008
music
I've been listening to music all morning while working and I just love Dar Williams. It's relaxing, feel good music. I think she's probably billed as a folk singer but has some pop style tunes. Closer to Me has to be one of the best songs ever. I am about to get a new iPhone 3G (it's on backorder right now) and since I have more than 16GB of music I will need to make a playlist for my iPhone. Dar Williams, Simon & Garfunkle, James Blunt, Vivaldi and Maroon 5 will make the cut for sure. Perhaps Dixie Chicks and She Daisy too.... It's amazing how music can effect your mood! And right now...Dar Williams has got me in a happy space. :)
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